THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A TRUE STORY…..

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you!” Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you!” Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.”

While most people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. He obviously liked the fact that the bride’s parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. Priceless…..

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Last night (22nd March) in Lisbon I saw this year’s (2006) Nobel Prize for Peace Muhammad Yunus make a presentation of the work that he has been involved with over the last 35 years with Micro Credits.

You may or may not know about Micro Credits (and if you don’t know about Micro Credits, then I suppose you have been in hibernation for the last 10 years at least). It was the “invention” of Muhammad Yunus and the story behind the man is just about the purest most incredibly singularly unselfish thing that anyone can possibly imagine. Much has been written about this and there is no point me trying to compete. However, if there is a God in this world, you can be sure that he is standing next to this simple man.

The auditorium of the Gulbenkian in Lisbon holds 1.200 people….all seats were taken….and there were still people standing at the back. And some seconds before Muhammad walked onto the stage, there was a sudden silence in the hall that was almost as though we were waiting for a God….indeed we were waiting for someone special. And the moment he stepped onto the stage, this more than 1.200 people burst into a sustained applause that must have sent shivers down his spine…..it certainly did mine.
The mixed audience (from Ambassadors to the mere mortal) knew how to welcome the man from Bangladesh and he will remember the warmth of this reception of Lisbon for many years to come.

And what is quite striking is that this man, a Phd in Economics, can describe the complexity of his experience in such simple works. He formed pictures in three words and basically rewrote the banking world principles, so that the poorest of the poor people could be given a chance to live a life…simply be given an opportunity.

And turning extreme poverty into a business opportunity, where the only beneficiaries were the poor, must be seen as a one of the wonder of our lives.

People like Gandi, Mandela and now Yunus…all of whom we have been fortunate to have touched our lives…must become our heroes…they must serve as our inspiration and our reason for living…they must help us to understand that in this unique planet, we are all one and we are all part of the misery and poverty and therefore all part of the solution to, as Muhammad so simply says, Rid The World of Poverty.

At the end of his story, again the more than 1.200 people ALL stood and applauded the Man…and I honestly believe that we would all still be there, had he not decided to leave the stage after several minutes…it was a truly amazing feeling…truly amazing!

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((RING)))   ((RING)))   **Pick Up**”Hello?”

“Hi honey, this is Daddy, Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No Daddy, She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul”

After a brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul”

“Oh yes I do and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now”

** Brief Pause**

“Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout

to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway”

“Okay Daddy, just a minute”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. “I did it Daddy”

“And what happened honey?” he asked

“Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

“Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?”

“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool.

But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead”

**Long Pause***

***Longer Pause**

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool??”… Is this 486-5731??

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A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest: “Father,

it has been one month since my last confession. I’ve had s* x with Fannie Green every week for the last month.”

The priest tells the sinner: “You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s’.”

Soon, another man enters the confessional. “Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had s*x with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months.”

This time the priest asks: “Who is this Fannie Green?”

“A new woman in the neighbourhood,” the sinner replies.

Very well,” says the priest. “Go and say ten ‘Hail Mary’s’.”

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church.

All the men’s eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.

Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.

The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks: “Is that Fannie Green?”

The altar boy replies: “No Father, I think its just the reflection of her shoes”.

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A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks: “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?”

The little girl replies: “I want a Barbie and Action Man. ” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says: “I thought Barbie comes with Ken.”

“No,” said the little girl “She comes with Action Man, she fakes it with Ken.”

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